I KILLED MYSELF WITH A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH

I killed myself with a peanut butter sandwich

Right between the eyes

Down below the nose

I crammed it in my mouth

I ground it in my head

Where it snagged in my throat

But hit its mark – the belly-belly

Which was warmed by the downrushing

Lead-weight blood

“The suicide resulted from a heavy ingestion of Haagen Daaz,”

Said the attending guru

With the white flowing coat

“I can see by the smile

On his double-chinned face;

He was very out-of-balance

And a little insane.”

Perhaps it might have been a small piece of undigested beef

Clogging me up down there, you fool

Making me see ghosts of myself

In a naked mirror of doom,

And what of those psychic suck-down needs?

Like a stuffed potato –

Maybe I drown myself by the refrigerator door

And slit my throat with a sweaty chug.

No, I killed myself with a peanut butter sandwich

To stop the pounding energy

Of whirring, buzzing, heightened awe

To slow me down and calm my nerves

I lost my soul to another round

Returning as I've always done

To this lower life form I've become

"Resuscitate me, please! oh heavy one."

November 15, 1995

Nonsan, ROK